Sixth Year Resolutions
by bsloths
Summary: Flashfic for Moonlit-Jeannie. Lily Evans copes with the loss of her best friend. Oneshot.


This is my first foray into the world of Harry Potter fic…and I'm not sure I'd want to write for the fandom again. But I figured I'd give it a try, because this is a flashfic for Moonlit-Jeannie, and she had a Harry Potter prompt. As always, the prompt will be at the end.

--Brandi

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with the wizarding world.

**Sixth Year Resolutions **

Summer Essay for Muggle Studies: Personal Reflection. Length: 13 inches of parchment. Concealment charm engaged: For Professor Lorne's eyes only.

_My Worst Summer_

by Lily Evans

I was always different.

I was different from my family because I was a witch.

I was different from my sister Petunia because I didn't care about the latest gossip, or what everyone else thought of me.

I was different from the students at Hogwarts because unlike many of them, I didn't find teasing to be all that funny.

When I was the in the Muggle world, I felt like an outcast because I was (though I'm sorry I thought it) _better_ than them. That was the influence of my friend Severus. He told me so many times that wizards were somehow more important than Muggles, and I am ashamed to say that I may have started to believe it. Now I know that I was letting my education get in the way of my compassion.

When I was in the wizarding world, I felt like an outcast because I befriended the boy that no one else would. He didn't appreciate what a risk I took, being his friend.

The girls in my dormitory would barely look at me after I came in from being with Severus. That was if I was lucky. If they were in particularly foul moods, I heard about how I was destroying my social life and that I must be just as strange if I enjoyed _that_ boy's company.

But I never cared. My friends can think what they want. I loved Severus as a brother. He kept all my secrets, and I his.

Now, I have broken free of the bonds imposed upon me, and those I imposed upon myself. I resolve to no longer be an outcast. I resolve to celebrate my differences instead of mourn them. My parents are so proud of my Hogwarts accomplishments. I must concentrate on the good in my life. I can be proud of myself, too.

Somehow, this newfound attitude has not yet been of any comfort. This summer is the worst summer of my life. I have no one. Tuney is angry with me, Severus and I are not speaking, my parents are always working, and the girls in my neighborhood have been listening to Petunia gossip about me in school all year. None of them trust me.

I am an outcast yet again. Who will celebrate with me when I get my O.W.L. results?

I'm about to enter my sixth year at Hogwarts. Sixth year is a very important one, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to spend it alone.

I walked along the river today, and I just happened to pass by Spinner's End. It was accidental. Really. I saw the curtain move as I walked by, but Severus (if it was in fact Severus) did not come out and say hello. I resisted the urge to knock on the door and take it all back. But I can't. I can't compromise my principles by patching up our friendship.

I'm not quite sure where our friendship took a wrong turn. I didn't even like him very much at first, but he was the only other wizard in my hometown, and once we got to Hogwarts, he was the only person I knew. I suppose I should have known that we were doomed as soon as poor Severus was sorted into Slytherin. I hear what people say about that house, and I'm starting to believe it. I know I shouldn't believe rumors, but some of the boys with whom Severus now associates are definitely unsavory characters.

I suppose one of the last straws was when Severus began defending his new friends. They performed hexes in the hallways. They even tried some Dark Magic on a Gryffindor girl.

Severus told me that it was no worse than the horrible bullying James Potter and his group inflict on our classmates.

James Potter may be rude and haughty and a bully, but he would never, ever try to remove Mary MacDonald's heart from her chest like that awful Mulciber and his friend Avery did. I simply cannot justify that type of behavior.

I'm afraid that his new friends might make Severus forget what it's like to feel. We used to have so many wonderful conversations. We always knew each other's thoughts and emotions. And now, he's a stranger to me.

I recall the exact moment when Severus destroyed our friendship for good.

He chose his path. I chose mine. And it was over.

It was after the O.W.L.s this past spring. I thought I was doing my best friend a favor by defending him when James and his cronies started bothering him. But he called me a vile, vile name in front of everyone, instead of being grateful for my help. I can't bear to write the word. But it involves my status as a witch in a Muggle family. And it is not something that a compassionate person would call his best friend.

From that moment on, I knew that he had sealed his fate. Severus will grow up and become the kind of man that I cannot keep in my company.

I am afraid for him. I am afraid for his soul. I can only hope that somehow he will realize what he has chosen before it is too late.

As for me, I must find a way to feel good again. Maybe I can persuade Tuney that I'm just a normal girl underneath all the magic. I can't bear to lose my sister, too.

I have decided that I'm going to make amends with James Potter as soon as I board the Hogwarts Express. I may never actually like him, but I want to start this year off with a clean slate. I will have no problems with any of my classmates. I will tell the girls in my dormitory that Severus and I are no longer friends, and hopefully they'll be nice to me. I will find a new best friend at Hogwarts. These are my resolutions.

The only thing I can do is keep my chin up and hope for the best. I owe it to myself to find happiness.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Here is the prompt:

_Harry Potter-Marauders' Era: Summer after fifth year. How do Lily and  
__Severus__ cope during their first summer apart in several years and the loss of  
their friendship? Can be one-sided with only Lily or Severus' point of view or  
can show both. It's up to the author. _

I tried, Allie. At least you got me to broaden my horizons!


End file.
